


Afterword

by thegreatandpowerfultoaster



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Revan novel didnt happen, Which is the only thing here thats canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 22:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16752916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatandpowerfultoaster/pseuds/thegreatandpowerfultoaster
Summary: Revan mourns Alek.





	Afterword

It's been a whole year, but she still thinks about him a lot. Carth says that it's normal, especially since they were good friends. At least he doesn't sound weird or upset about it, although she isn't sure why she'd thought that he would in the first place.

Another thing left over from having to worry what the Council thought of her entire life, she guesses. Or maybe it's just because she still gets nervous around Carth. Sometimes it still astounds her that he's with her every step of the way (Maker, she loves him).

And he doesn't mind when she sits out in their little garden in the surface of Telos, and just talks to Alek, as if he could hear. 

Sometimes she real him that she wishes things were the way they used to be, just Revan and Alek against the universe. But then she remembers everything that happened after those days, and the uneasiness grows in the pit of her stomach.

Maybe she doesn't wish that.

Revan asks what he would think of her now. Alek, the old Alek; Not who he had been by the time of his death. He'd probably laugh at her for a minute or two for settling down, and then tell her that if she ever needed anything-anything at all-then he'd have her back. Because he always had.

But she hasn't had his, when it mattered. And she tries to tell herself that there was nothing she could have done, she was far too gone herself. It's just another thing in a long list of things she still can't make herself believe.

What would she even say to him, if he were really sitting among her roses in the middle of the night? What could she even say? "Sorry I forgot you?" "I hope you don't mind that I moved on?"

No, those weren't at all right. It was something she'd say to anyone else. It didn't feel like enough for him. The chill in the night air that runs into her bones followed by her heart clenching solidifies that it's not what she needs to say to move on.

Maybe it's, "I loved you." But he already knew that. She said it enough their entire lives, threw it around like it was something they could have, love.

That isn't quite it either, of course, but she's happy to scream it into the heavens that she'd loved so much. Revan loves Alek and there was nothing anyone could do to stop her.

She loves Carth, too of course and he knows that. Some nights they sit out in the gardens together and he wraps an arm around her while she sobs over everyone she's lost, and every death that had been her fault.

That's when Carth will look worriedly at her. He's not a broken man, or if he is, then it's a mere hairline fracture to her spider web of cracks. But sometimes he lets tears fall onto her shoulder, too because Maker knows he's lost just as much.

And it's her fault, and it's Alek's fault and so she can't figure out why he loves her the way he does, and lets her cry over her long lost best friend and first (and for nearly forever only) love. 

Revan doesn't talk to Alek when Carth sits beside her. They just look at the stars and mourn, and some days that all she needs. And other days...well, she doesn't mean to push him away, really. But she needs to know what to say. Not to move on, never to move on but at least to let him know.

Or if he can't hear, then just for her to hear. "I didn't want to leave you," she tries. Of course not. He was gone by then anyways . He was Malak, then.

The doorway to the house far behind her is well lit enough that she can see Carth standing there, watching her. It doesn't matter right now. It's cold anyways and she knows she'll just give up our of frustration and say something she doesn't mean and march into the house, only to come back later and apologize profusely to the man who cannot hear her, cannot believe that she's done wrong.

Kind of like when he was alive to hear her.

And then it comes to her, like the familiar click of the latch on the front door or the noise Mission makes when she comes home to visit them. 

"I love him too, kinda the way I loved you," she says to the stars; His stars, Her stars because they owned the universe. 

"And I'll see you again, and then...we can talk about what we'll do next time, okay? It'll be you and me again and next time I'm not losing you."

Because she's certain of that much, at least and it's the right thing to say.


End file.
